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This morning, I went to Parkland to find out what their "Tumor Board" recommended as a treatment plan for my cancer. I had gone in with an expectation that was tipped over like a sleeping cow. Huh?!? Say that again, please.

After hearing from a couple of 5th year residents last week, both brilliant, who thought it likely, even advisable, that the board would recommend surgery alone as a treatment plan, I thought, Well, that seems reasonable. Certainly beats the hell out of chemo and, especially, radiation. Six weeks of daily misery with radiation vs. a two-week recovery after a radical tonsillectomy and removal of my lymph nodes on the right in the front of my neck. . . hmmmm. I'll take Short & Easy for a thousand, Alex.

Not so fast, Tonsil Man! We real doctors don't concur with these young turks. The TB (that's the Tumor Board) recommends chemo and radiation.

That's it?

Well, the other choice is surgery and radiation.

There's that nasty radiation again. What were the side effects of that, did you say?

Let's see. . . there's a thickening of the skin. . . it'll turn darker or redder, too. . . .

Oh, that's attractive. Permanent?

Hmmm. . . depends on the individual. To some degree, yes. Maybe not. Over time, it should diminish a bit.

Okay. What else?

Mouth sores. Abcesses. Probably tooth loss on that side. In fact, we'd probably just pull the teeth to get rid of them. You're not using them; are you?

Only occasionally. Like when I eat. Or smile. Or talk. They may be crooked but they're mine.

Then there's osteoradionecrosis. . .

Run that one by me again. I missed that class in med school. Oh, that's right. . . I didn't go to med school.

Radiation-induced osteoradionecrosis of the mandible (your jaw). . .

Right. I knew that.

. . . is our way of saying that the radiation kills your jaw bone.

Oh, lovely. . .

And there's some risk of inducing a secondary malignancy through irradiation.

Let me get this straight. . . to cure me of cancer. . . you may be giving me cancer again?

Possibly. But that's more of a concern in younger patients. You're old enough that you probably won't live long enough for it to kill you.

Somehow, that's comforting. I'm not sure why.

And you may have to have surgery anyway.

Oh, I think I'm beginning to get it. The radiation destroys much of the tissue in my neck and jaw and you come in afterwards to kind of. . . oh, I dunno. . . tidy things up?

Essentially, yes. But the survival rate is really quite good. Around 84%.

So, I've got an 84% chance of living more than 5 years if you burn the crap outta my neck and jaw and then cut all that toasty tissue away and leave a rather disfigured shell behind.

That's more or less correct.

Thank you Dr. Rubenfield. You've been highly instructive. Some might even say, entertaining.

It's been my pleasure.

I'm sure it has.

Oh, one more thing. Are there any peer reviewed studies of cancer treatments that, perhaps, don't quite fall within the purview of allopathic medicine? Anything at all that you can recommend I look at as an alternative to radiation, chemo, or even surgery. Maybe, as a treatment that might be integrated into your suggested plan? Or, quite possibly as an alternative?

. . . .

Dr. Rosenfield? Dr. Rosenfield? Arnie? What's wrong with your eyes?

☆

I think I definitely need a second or third opinion.

And that's where we'll pick up, next time.

More soon. . . .